... and I want to be here

So my last post was a bit of a downer, I know.
There are some amazing things about the job that i have been given to do here, and I was reminded of some of them in the past week.

Every once in a while, I am giving an orientation, and the group asks good questions, doesn't fall asleep, and then really applies what they learn.  Of course you can never seen learning on a larger scale, but I like to imagine that these people return home more educated global citizens, who desire to live more intentionally. 

I also feel like I have about 100 children of my own at any given time, and I get to watch them grow exponentially during the course of a week or so.  I get to watch people experience new things for the first time.  Every time I see a new group marvel at views of the volcanoes, or eat a lychee for the first time, I get that little feeling of experiencing things for the first time again.  I need that too, sometimes I think I have gotten to comfortable here--I need to be reminded of what a blessing it is that I get to live here. 

I'm Still Here

So eight months have passed, and according to my original plane ticket, I should be home by now.

But I'm still here.

Why am I still here?  Well, as I talked about earlier this year, I was asked to stay on and hold down the fort for the summer.  There is a three or so month gap between when Chris and Madeline left and the new coordinator plans to come, and if there isn't anyone here managing the program, it could all fall apart very easily.

Not that I'm that important.  Or at least that is how I can feel on days like today, the tough days.  On days like today, everyone else is the most important, and it is my job to make sure they get what they want.  Like responding to an angry email from a group that applied too late, after we were already full, apologizing and suggesting next year, only to get a reply with 20 names and plane tickets.  They are close to Fr. Greg, very important, and will be coming anyway. 

Like finally sitting down to a now-cold breakfast to be pulled away by the leader of a group who is mad because they have to wash dishes, and the people who did it last night didn't finish.  Petty problems become big ones, and people who I assumed were adults seem incapable of following instructions.

This is not why I am here in San Lucas.  Sure, this is humbling enough, but I realize that over the past week, the amount of time I spent with visitors more than doubled the time I spent with Guatemalans.  I am speaking far more English than Spanish, and even though I am surrounded by people that look and talk like me, I am so lonely for someone to feel close to, someone who isn't going to leave in a week.  At the end of the day, I am so exhausted, sometimes I fall asleep at 8:30, only to get up again at five to make sure there is breakfast for groups that are leaving. 

All of this caught up to me on Tuesday.  I walked into the Parish, tired and wanting to make a quick dinner and head home, only to walk into a birthday celebration that Chona is throwing for a woman who will be here for one week, complete with flowers, a three-tier cake, and gifts.  My own birthday had been overlooked, even though I had been here for three months at the time. 

I couldn't help it.  I cried.  Sometimes serving people can be so hard, and on days like that, I feel pretty forgotten here.  The groups see me as a person necessary to interpret and help them accomplish their goals, and they (rightfully) see the Guatemalans as the ones to be respected and admired.  The Guatemalans who work at the Parish need me to translate and coordinate the groups, but they see the groups as deserving of praise and thanks for sacrificing so much time and money.  I can't help but feel sometimes that the time I put into working here will never be revered as much as the money that groups donate.  I feel a little used sometimes.

So I cried in the kitchen.  But the next morning my phone rang.  Chiky, a girl about my age who works at the Parish, was calling.  She wanted me to go to the market with her.  I figured she needed help carrying food or something, but it became clear pretty quickly that that was not the case.  As we walked, she pointed to huipiles that she liked, and live crabs for sale.  After a while we found a place to sit and talked.  We talked about the upcoming election, who she is voting for and why, her boyfriend, gossip around the Parish... and when it was time to get ready for lunch she thanked me for hanging out.  I was so touched.  That is why I'm here-to build relationships, to learn- and maybe I sort of took the morning off of work.  Some people may have to wait another day to get an email response, and they might be mad.  But that's okay, because I returned to work refreshed and happy. 

There are rewarding aspects to the gringo-related part of my job, but i certainly will never be able to appreciate them if I don't build my foundation here in the community and take care of myself too.  Better days to come.

Vacations and Celebrations

The past couple of weeks have been full of activity for the volunteer community.  First came Holy Week, the most important of all holidays here in San Lucas. 

The entire week was a holiday from work for all of the Parish workers so that everyone could be free for the activities.  Each day there was a procession through the town during which purple-gowned men carried one or more of various statues and floats reserved for the processions.  The processions walk slowly through town, sometimes for up to twelve hours at a time, on alfombras (rugs) made of colored sawdust and flowers.

After Holy Week, Katie, Owen, and I took a trip to Monterrico, a town on the Pacific coast of Guatemala, for a little sun and relaxation.

Monterrico was hot, and the black sand beaches made it a lot hotter.  We all enjoyed to views and the sun, coming home with painful sunburns and lots of memories. 

For Katie's last weekend, we also spent a night in Antigua, to enjoy good restaurants and a nice, relaxed environment.  We stayed in an adorable hotel called Posada San Sebastian.

Back In SLT

I have been back in SLT form the States for over two weeks now, and although it will be a while before I settle into a schedule again (vacation on the beach next week followed by surgical week),  I am starting to realize what it is I appreciate about having San Lucas as my home, and what I will be more than happy to leave behind in October. 

I’ll be honest, it is hard being different.  Being an average height/weight white girl living in “the middle” (as Minnesota is often referred to by my friends here) I pretty much fell in with the norm all of my life.  In SLT I stick out like a sore thumb, which means a lot of staring and a lot of shouts of “gringa” in my direction.  I am pretty good at shutting it all out, and to be honest it isn’t much of a nuisance, but it has taught me something new about being a minority.  What I lack is anonymity.  It feels like everyone in this town of 25,000 knows who I am, and if they don’t, they at least know where I work and who I am associated with.  This seriously impairs my ability to go outside looking like a slob, and I have to be very careful about how I act in public.  Sometimes I just want to disappear into a crowd and act like a jackass if I want, knowing that if anyone sees me again, they won’t remember me.

I also starve for the “whenever, wherever” lackadaisical attitude that I could have in the States.  (call it lazy if you want)  Everything needs to be planned in advance here.  No deciding that I want an omelet for dinner at 5 pm—the market has long shut down by then.  If I forget to send an email or do anything time sensitive on the internet between the hours of 4 and 7… well, then I missed my chance.  (I am very grateful for the fact that I do have access to the internet when I do, but I still haven’t learned how to best use what I have)  I can’t lie; I miss the information overload of constant connectivity.  When I come up with a question that no one can answer here, I want my cell phone and its 3G internet. 

The truth is, I really love it here.  I wanted to stay for a full year for a reason.  While I may complain about my lack of connection to friends and culture back home, not having distractions like the internet or television can be quite a relief.  For the first time in years, I am enjoying reading for pleasure again, an activity that had obsession status when I was growing up, and virtually disappeared when I entered high school.  Besides reading for pleasure, I am also enjoying reading non-fiction about Guatemalan history, economics, trade, race, etc.  I even catch myself pulling out grammar books (Spanish and English) from time to brush up. 

It is amazing how, when freed from the constraints of college, I naturally find my way to continue the kind of learning that I want to do.  If you had asked me two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what that learning would be.  This experience has really encouraged me to go back to school and enjoy focusing on a field that interests me. 

Probably the most encouraging thing about this lifestyle is feeling like I have some (small) purpose.  All of the jobs I have held in the past, though I often enjoyed them, were motivated by money.  I clocked in hours to get paid.  I don’t get paid here, but I still find my way to work in the morning.  I am not getting a degree for any of the papers or articles I write, but I still put my all into them.  Why?  Because I feel like I am getting something out of it all that will make me better.  I can see the change this work makes in how I feel, and how I perceive my world.  I wouldn’t trade it.

Crazy Old U S of A

           The past nearly two weeks that I have spent back home have been a whirlwind of, at times, very overwhelming activity.  I have loved catching up with family and friends and enjoying the amenities of the US (from hot water to malls), but there are also some things that I could do without, and things I miss about San Lucas.  Here is a list of the top "things" that stand out to me about being home, many of which took me by surprise:



Target.   Target is oh, so amazing, and this will never change.

The mall is actually kind of scary and overwhelming.

I am now really terrible at remembering that I have a phone, checking voicemail, etc.

Oddly enough, I have yet to use the TIVO (or even turn on the TV)

Oh, the fashion.  I miss you, the fashion.  Unfortunately it is hard to get my fix in MN in the winter... and absolutely impossible in Redwood Falls.

The food is sort of...physically... overwhelming me.  I am not used to milk.

I can still drive!

Handing over the credit card is easy... actually spending money is NOT (2 dollars for a Coke????)

I can't pick out outfits anymore, I am not sure what I look good in after hiding in baggy jeans and big t shirts for 5 months.

THE INTERNET.  I missed you too, the internet.

Overall, everything is amazing, shiny, and new.  Now if I could just eat a cheeseburger and not be doubled over with pain...

Changes

During the past couple of weeks, I have been presented with a lot of new opportunities through my work here at the Parish.  I came to San Lucas with the plan to stay for about seven months, into the spring of this year.  However, I had no idea how invested I would become in not only the San Lucas community, but also the volunteer program run at the Parish.  I became aware that Chris and Madeline, the current volunteer coordinators, are both starting grad school in the fall, and will be leaving San Lucas this summer.  I developed an interest in staying on, but I was nervous about what would become of the program after the directors leave.

            Last week, Chris and Madeline met with me to talk about just these plans.  They found a new set of volunteer coordinators, but they cannot start for about two months after Chris and Madeline have to leave.  For the two-month interim, they have asked me to be the transitional leader, helping maintain the program while they are gone, and helping to transition the new coordinators.  I can’t be more excited about this opportunity, partially because I believe in the program, and partially because this is the first time I have felt confident enough to step into a position like this, and that really excites me. 

            The next exciting part of the story is that next week I will be heading to Minnesota with Chona, a woman who works for the Parish.  Chona worked to save a lot of children during the internal conflict, and this year she is getting a reward from the New Ulm diocese for this work.  She needs someone to travel with her and translate for her, so the Parish is sending me as well.  I will get to meet a lot of people involved with the Parish, and hopefully forge a really strong relationship with Chona, an important part of the community. 

The Women's Center Opens

The Women’s Center Opening

            The Parish Women’s Center has been in a work in progress here in San Lucas Tolimán for about ten years.  During these years, the construction of the building has plunged forward, slowed down, sped up again, paused, and restarted until the process, the product of the hard work of many, many hands, both Guatemalan and American, was complete.  What the Center will be, and what it stands for now, is an important, hopeful part of the San Lucas community, but the lack of immediacy in completing the project means that over the years, the building was put on hold many times. 

            The San Lucas Mission is an organization that is run almost entirely on donations.  Because of this, the Parish never takes out loans or spends beyond its means, meaning that when something more immediately urgent comes up—take for example Tropical Storm Agatha this past summer—funding will move from the slowly progressing Center to important projects such as emergency housing.

            The Center will fulfill some very important needs in the lives of women here in San Lucas and the surrounding communities.  Historically, Mayan women have a very complex role within indigenous Guatemalan culture.  They are highly respected members of the community, as well as the bearers of culture.  They have maintained indigenous dress, they raise the children, and they pass on the tasks have are so important—and often sacred—to Mayan culture, from making the daily tortillas to embroidering traditional huipiles, or traditional blouses.  Women are very respected in this way by their spouses and families, but they also live very restricted lives.  Women have the role of taking care of the home and the family, a role that often confines them to the home.  The rare occasion when a mother of a large family has time to leave the house is almost never a social or pleasure outing, but rather to run to the mill the grind the ixtamal for tortillas or to shop in the market.  Over the years, it has become not only difficult for women to find time to get out of the house, but also a social taboo.  While men have places to gather and socialize, there is nowhere appropriate in town for women to gather, outside of church.

            The goal of the Women’s Center is to empower these women, and to give them a forum to express themselves.  As it is associated with the Parish, a respected organization in the community, the Center will hopefully be a place that husbands will trust as an appropriate place for their wives to spend time.  The Center is also equipped with a full kitchen, plenty of open space, an herb garden, and is nearby a large, communal pila used for washing laundry.  With these resources, women will be able to accomplish their daily tasks in a communal setting, while their children can play in a green space nearby.  The social nature of the Center will also create a forum for women to share knowledge and learn.  On the first day that the Center was open, two women taught others how to make banana bread, a treat that could be brought home to their families.  There will also be talks organized on preventative health, use of the medicinal herbs in the garden, and other subjects.

So it makes sense that the opening, after so many years of anticipation, was a very big deal both in San Lucas and in the international community of volunteers and donors.  Below I have included some pictures of the joyous celebration, complete with a piñata.