Back In SLT

I have been back in SLT form the States for over two weeks now, and although it will be a while before I settle into a schedule again (vacation on the beach next week followed by surgical week),  I am starting to realize what it is I appreciate about having San Lucas as my home, and what I will be more than happy to leave behind in October. 

I’ll be honest, it is hard being different.  Being an average height/weight white girl living in “the middle” (as Minnesota is often referred to by my friends here) I pretty much fell in with the norm all of my life.  In SLT I stick out like a sore thumb, which means a lot of staring and a lot of shouts of “gringa” in my direction.  I am pretty good at shutting it all out, and to be honest it isn’t much of a nuisance, but it has taught me something new about being a minority.  What I lack is anonymity.  It feels like everyone in this town of 25,000 knows who I am, and if they don’t, they at least know where I work and who I am associated with.  This seriously impairs my ability to go outside looking like a slob, and I have to be very careful about how I act in public.  Sometimes I just want to disappear into a crowd and act like a jackass if I want, knowing that if anyone sees me again, they won’t remember me.

I also starve for the “whenever, wherever” lackadaisical attitude that I could have in the States.  (call it lazy if you want)  Everything needs to be planned in advance here.  No deciding that I want an omelet for dinner at 5 pm—the market has long shut down by then.  If I forget to send an email or do anything time sensitive on the internet between the hours of 4 and 7… well, then I missed my chance.  (I am very grateful for the fact that I do have access to the internet when I do, but I still haven’t learned how to best use what I have)  I can’t lie; I miss the information overload of constant connectivity.  When I come up with a question that no one can answer here, I want my cell phone and its 3G internet. 

The truth is, I really love it here.  I wanted to stay for a full year for a reason.  While I may complain about my lack of connection to friends and culture back home, not having distractions like the internet or television can be quite a relief.  For the first time in years, I am enjoying reading for pleasure again, an activity that had obsession status when I was growing up, and virtually disappeared when I entered high school.  Besides reading for pleasure, I am also enjoying reading non-fiction about Guatemalan history, economics, trade, race, etc.  I even catch myself pulling out grammar books (Spanish and English) from time to brush up. 

It is amazing how, when freed from the constraints of college, I naturally find my way to continue the kind of learning that I want to do.  If you had asked me two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what that learning would be.  This experience has really encouraged me to go back to school and enjoy focusing on a field that interests me. 

Probably the most encouraging thing about this lifestyle is feeling like I have some (small) purpose.  All of the jobs I have held in the past, though I often enjoyed them, were motivated by money.  I clocked in hours to get paid.  I don’t get paid here, but I still find my way to work in the morning.  I am not getting a degree for any of the papers or articles I write, but I still put my all into them.  Why?  Because I feel like I am getting something out of it all that will make me better.  I can see the change this work makes in how I feel, and how I perceive my world.  I wouldn’t trade it.